Hetagenesis 1:3
by saplings
Summary: In the beginning Himaruya created the Allies and the Axis Powers/And Himaruya said, "Let there be HETALIA" and there was HETALIA/And there was Heaven and there was Hell, also Grandpa Rome's very own theme song


**DISCLAIMER: **The following narrative may not be suitable for individuals of religious backgrounds; reader discretion is necessary. The author shall not assume responsibility for any offense perceived through reading this material. It is not the author's intention to glorify, denounce, or remonstrate the spiritual and secular realm(s); this story is written for artistic entertainment purposes only. Names, characters, places and incidents were borrowed fictitiously.

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_Hetagenesis 1:3_  
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In the beginning Himaruya created the heaven and the earth.  
The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the pen of Himaruya was moving over the face of the earth.  
And Himaruya said, "Let there be Rome" and there was Rome.  
And Himaruya saw that Rome was good and jolly; and Himaruya separated Rome from Germania.  
Himaruya called Rome the grandfather of Chibitalia, and Germania he called the grandfather of the Holy Roman Empire, but most fans know him as Legolas. And there was a manga and there was an anime, HETALIA.  
And Himaruya said, "Let there be French chefs and English officers, and let it separate the English chefs and German officers."  
And Himaruya made Swiss bankers and separated the German engineers which were with the Italian lovers from the French engineers which were with the Italian bankers. And it was so.  
And Himaruya called this arrangement Heaven. And there was Heaven and there was Hell, also Grandpa Rome's very own theme song.

And Himaruya said, "Let Rome and Germania be gathered together into one place, and let Italy and Germany appear." And it was so.  
Himaruya called Italy Feliciano, and Germany he called Ludwig. And Himaruya saw that it was good and very cute.  
And Himaruya said, "Let Germany chance upon a crate, the crate yielding the tomato fairy Italy, and Japan bearing his power to refuse things most politely in which lies the Axis Powers, each according to a rather fluffy crack-induced psychedelic version of history, upon the Tripartite Pact." And it was so.  
The Axis Powers brought forth the Allies, China yielding to America and England, and Russia bearing a rusty pipe in which even France dare not do illegal things to, each according to a rather fluffy crack-induced psychedelic version of history. And Himaruya saw that it was addicting.  
And there was the Axis Powers and there was the Allies, AXIS POWERS HETALIA—Himaruya just found them more interesting than the Allies, and Japan's part of the Axis Powers. Creator provincialism for the win.  
And Himaruya said, "Let there be Sealand in the meeting of the nations to separate the G8 from the rest; and let him be for gags and for fun and for annoyance and cuteness,  
and let him be an excuse to create more nations upon the earth." And it was so.  
And Himaruya made the Nordics, the northern Europeans to rule the Baltics (it didn't work; only Finland was converted), and the Asians to balance out the other Europeans; he made Canada also. Just so you know.  
And Himaruya set them in the map of the world to give fans more shipping options,  
to fight over pairings or over orgies, and to separate the homosexual couples from the heterosexual couples. And Himaruya saw that it got out of hand. But he didn't mind, and he was getting popular.  
And there was the G20 and there was internationality, HETALIA WORLD SERIES. Cue the baseball theme.

And Himaruya said, "Let Studio Deen bring forth swarms of white blobs, and let spaceships fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens."  
So Himaruya created the Picts and every living creature was converted, with which Iceland remained oblivious to, according to a certain source, and Grandpa Rome saved Italy according to a certain source. And Himaruya saw that he should cut down on the heroin.  
And Himaruya blessed Studio Deen, saying, "Please be considerate and use the right colours this time and don't use the island scene again, and let Sweden be in the anime." Studio Deen only fulfilled two of three requests, to the dismay of some fans.  
And there was a dub and there was a movie, HETALIA AXIS POWERS: PAINT IT, WHITE. The titles are only going to get longer.

And Himaruya said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their countries: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their countries." And it was so. Everything's better with animals.  
And Himaruya made the genderbends of the nations according to their appearance and cat versions according to their appearance, and everything that makes no sense but was loved by the fans anyways. And Himaruya saw that alcohol was a good substitute for heroin.

Then Himaruya said, "Let us make _even more_ nations in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of their seas, and over the birds of their sky, and over the cattle, and over all the people, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon their land." ...Yeah.  
So Himaruya created micronations in his own image, in the image of his friends he created them; male and female he created them.  
And Himaruya blessed them, and Himaruya said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon your land." Sealand's planning to take over Earth any moment now.  
And Himaruya said, "Behold, I have given fans (almost) every character design yielding a nation which is upon the map of the world, and genderbends with cat ears; you shall have them for fanwanking.  
And to every citizen of the earth, and to every alien of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given an excellent reason for learning history." And it was so. Some students improved and some failed, but that'll be in the New Testament.  
And Himaruya saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there were internet backdrafts and there were international movements, KITAYUME—Himaruya got tired of the long names.

Thus the heavens and the earth were finished (almost), and all the host of them.  
And in 2009 Himaruya finished his studies which he had done, and he returned to Japan in 2009 from New York City where he had studied.  
So Himaruya blessed 2009 and hallowed it, because on it Himaruya rested from all the culture shock which he had experienced in New York.  
These are the generations of the heavens and the earth when they were created.

In the day that the creator Himaruya made the earth and the heavens,  
when no character of a nation was yet on the map and no manga of epic proportions had yet sprung up—for the creator Himaruya had not been drinking, and there was no website to host the comic strips;  
but lands went up from the earth and covered the whole face of the ground—  
then the creator Himaruya formed Prussia of **awesomeness** from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of **memetic badass**; and man became a living being **with 5 meters. Fuck yeah.**  
And the creator Himaruya planted Austria with Germany, away from Switzerland and Liechtenstein; and there he put Netherlands whom he had just formed.  
And out of the lands the creator Himaruya made Belgium who is pleasant to Spain and good for Romano, Hungary also in the midst of a serious gender crisis, and the nation of the knowledge of good and evil—also known as Greece. Or Socrates. It'll take another century of philosophy to figure that one out.

A river flowed out of the Pacific to water Asia, and there it divided and became four nations.  
The name of the first is South Korea; he is the one who bounces around groping his brothers' breasts, which he invented of course..for some reason...somehow;  
and the hair curl of South Korea is his Korean spirit; a face is there, strangely enough.  
The name of the second nation is Taiwan; she is the one with a flower tattoo on her thigh. Fanboys rejoice.  
And the name of the third nation is Hong Kong, who has thick eyebrows. And the fourth nation is North Korea. So yeah.

The creator Himaruya _finally_ took Sweden and put him in the anime to appease rabid fangirls.  
And the creator Himaruya commanded to Studio Deen, saying, "You may freely choose the voice actor;  
but of his hair and eye colour you shall not alter, for in the episode that you alter it you shall be ravaged by rabid fangirls."

Then the creator Himaruya said, "It is not good that Sweden should be alone; I will make him a _waifu_ fit for him. 'Cuz Sweden likes it that way."  
So out of the ground the creator Himaruya formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the nations to see what they would call them; and whatever the nations called every living creature, that was its name.  
The nations gave names to most pets, but fans gave the name Gilbird to the chick on Prussia's head, and to the poor puppy of a certain Finn the most atrocious name was given; but for Sweden there was not found a _waifu_ fit for him.  
So the creator Himaruya caused a deep sleep to fall upon Denmark, and while he slept took one of his territories and closed up its place with Norway and Iceland;  
and the territory which the creator Himaruya had taken from Denmark he made into Finland and brought him to Sweden.  
Then Sweden said...something, but Himaruya could not understand his mumbling and decided that his _waifu_ shall be called Tino, because that sounds like a proper Finnish name, right?  
Therefore Finland left Denmark and the Nordics and went with his husband and Sealand, and they become one family.  
And the man and his _waifu_ were both males, and were not ashamed. Though Finland seemed to have something to say about being called a _waifu_, but he was too scared of Sweden's _rapeface_ to do anything about it.

Now Italy was more innocent than any other _moe_ nation-tan that the creator Himaruya had made. He said to Japan, "Did Germany say, 'You shall not eat of any tomatoes at my house'?"  
And Japan said to Italy, "We may eat of the pasta at your house;  
but Germany said, 'You shall not eat of the tomatoes which are in the midst of the Italy's homeland, neither shall you touch it, lest you DIE...or lose your _wurst_, if you get my drift.'"  
But Italy said to Japan, "Ve~You won't die.  
Germany knows that when you eat it your eyes will be shut, and you will be like me, knowing nothing. It's a nice feeling!"  
So when Japan saw that the tomatoes were good for the pasta, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tomatoes were to be desired to make pasta tasty, he took of the tomatoes and ate; and he also gave some to Greece, but he was busy sleeping.  
Then the eyes of Japan were shut, and he knew that they became Italians; and they collected tomatoes together and made themselves more PAAAAASTAAAAAAAAA!

And Chibimerica heard the sound of England walking on his lands in the cool of the day, and the little nation hid himself from the presence of England among the trees of his land.  
But England called to Chibimerica, and said to him, "Where are you?"  
And he said, "I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was a new nation; and I hid myself."  
He said, "Who told you that you were a nation, and since when have you ever used proper English, much less said 'thee'? Have you eaten of the cuisine of France which I commanded you not to eat?"  
Chibimerica said, "France who was with you, he gave me frogs' legs and snails, and I ate."  
Then England said to Chibimerica, "What is this that you have done?" Chibimerica said, "France's cooking is better than yours, so I ate."  
England said to France, "Because you have done this, cursed are you frog, and above all bollocks upon your beard you shall go, and wars you shall lose of them all the days of your life.  
I will put enmity between you and America, and between your colony and my colony ("Who?"); he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." This was worse than Cockney slang.  
To Chibimerica he said, "I will greatly multiply your taxes; in taxes you shall grow my empire, yet your desire shall be for coffee, and tea shall rule over you."  
And to Canada he said (for he had just noticed him), "Because you have listened to the voice of France, and have spoken the language of which I commanded you, 'You shall not speak of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life;  
thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the maple trees of the field. ("That's okay, maple syrup's good," But nobody heard what Canada said)  
In the sweat of your face you shall eat salmon till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are...wait, who are you again?"

In another small part of the world, Poland called his _bff_'s name Toris, because he was an underdog for every nation he met anyways.  
And Poland made for Lithuania and for himself garments from the latest Victoria's Secret catalogue, and clothed them.  
Then Poland said, "Behold, you're, like, my best buddy now, knowing what's trendy and what's trashy; and now, lest Russia partition me and take this magazine, and paint his nails, and live for fashion, or something like that"  
therefore Poland sent him forth from the rye fields, to till the ground from which he was taken.  
He drove out Russia (Latvia was NOT happy); and at the east of the rye fields he set his borders, and America who was having an identity crisis and thought himself a hero, to guard the way to his house.  
Wait, _what_?  
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_Axis Powers Hetalia ©2003 Himaruya Hidekazu, with permission granted for non-commercial usage_  
_No commercial gain was or ever will be sought from this publication by the author or any third parties._


End file.
